Tuesday, May 25, 2010

5 Reasons not to go to 5 Seasons Brewing - Westside

I had literally the worst meal in recent memory last night. Nope, it wasn't at a hot, new spot or crummy run-down dive. It was 5 Seasons Brewing - a pretty well established brewery chain with an equally popular reputation. So without further adieu, I give you 5 reasons not to go to 5 Seasons Brewery:

1. The Beer - This place is a brewery, right? There was no beer list on the menu or at the table. Our server (we'll get to him later) asked us if we wanted something to drink. We replied "Yes probably some beer." It took him two more trips inside to get us the house chalkboard with just the names (no descriptions) of their beers. We all ordered and the server disappeared again to retrieve our choices. It turns out that 2 out of the 3 we ordered were out, and our second choice was out as well. 5 Seasons Brewery. One of my friends went with the Golden. It honestly could have been from a golden shower. The beer was flat and flavorless. My other friend and I went with the Venus (as our server and the two of us couldn't think of any of other beers). It was essentially a beer flavored mimosa. The Venus, like the rest of 5 Seasons, didn't have any depth. The flavor was just that of light, orange syrup. My two friends didn't have the heart to even finish their beers and asked if the brewery carried any bottled beers. The waiter's response was, "No, we only carry our own, after all we are a brewery. We have $25 bottles of some stuff." Yes, a brewery that doesn't carry two out of three beers and delivers beers that taste like piss.

2. The Service - Honestly, it seemed like there wasn't a seasoned professional in the entire building. Seriously, Fisher Price my first waiter, waitress, host and manager. Our waiter couldn't answer a single questions we had. What's the Scotch Abbey Like? "Ummm... Ummm (as he checks his notes)... I don't know, it's like, in between the other two we have. I don't really know, I don't drink beer." I'd honestly rather be lied to than listen to this nitwit who works at a brewery tell us he doesn't like beer. We went through this with every single question. What does antelope taste like? What kind of peppers are on the sandwich? The dude made up a new species of peppers - Soblano. I honestly couldn't make this up. Additionally, he claimed bell peppers gave a kick to a sandwich.

3. The Food - Strangely enough, this 5 Seasons menu is not like their Sandy Springs location at all. The Prado location focuses on small, higher quality plates. This menu really reads like any bar menu with a few added items to make it seem cultured. There's an Antelope patty melt and Kari Kari (crab/cream cheese dumplings) but the menu consists primarily of sandwiches and pizzas.

One friend got the Antelope patty melt and said that the Antelope could have been any meat and tasted the same. This same friend ordered the Lobster Bisque as a side. He said it was just plain bad and even told the waiter. The waiter came back saying that they planned on taking it off the menu because a broth-based lobster bisque doesn't work. !?!??!?! Then why was it still being served?

I went for the organic beef burger. It truly was the worst burger I have ever had. Ordered at medium rare, the burger came out well done. The texture was that of sawdust. I've honestly had many better BUBBA Burgers. In fact, every single fast food burger is better than this one. Additionally, there was no seasoning or flavor - unless you count fish flavoring. Yes, my burger tasted of fish. The fries were passable, but unsalted and unseasoned also.

My other buddy ordered the curry grilled chicken sandwich, which he claimed was just OK.

4. The price - The bill, for our abysmal time spent there was roughly $60.

5. The atmosphere at this location is sterile and has no depth. Honestly the brewery felt like a place where middle aged happy-hour drinkers go to give up on youth and doing anything worthwhile and fun. Lastly, 5 Seasons is well known for their roof-top patio with a view of the Atlanta skyline, so we asked to be seated outside. We were sat on a street level side patio. The roof was closed... I'm guessing they only open it up when there is a lot of traffic inside but really, the view might have been 5 Seasons' only saving grace.

I can't seem to find a nice thing to say, but would like to warn diners from coming here when every other option in the area is better. Worst case scenario if you can't find anywhere good to go in this area - buy yourself a case of fine Belgian beer next door at Hop City and drown your sorrows. I guarantee the hangover the next day won't be nearly as mind-numbing as my experience at 5 Seasons Brewery.

5 Seasons Brewing Company Westside on Urbanspoon

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